I'm always late to the party.

I used to be hip and happenin'. No, seriously, I was really up on stuff. The latest music. The latest movie star. The latest hot commodity on the television. You wanted to know all about the latest fad, I was the guy. Arcade games? I was a Pac Man Mad Man. I could Frogger from here to there and back. I knew all the junk that had very little substance. I was on top of the pop culture mountain.

And then it happened. The calendar turned to 1990 and suddenly, I was wandering out in the desert looking for a sip of pop culture joy juice and only found the dry sand of yesteryear.

I was the last person I knew that got a DVD player. I was the last person I knew that got a flat-screen TV. I don't even have a computer at home. Here, let me give you some smelling salts and get you back on your feet. Now then, let me say it again, a bit more gently:

I don't even have a computer at home.

Bu,t but, but...that is about to change. I am being dragged, kicking and screaming, a little further into the 21st century. Let me take a long, slow sip off my Grain Belt Logneck before I reveal this...

...still sipping, hold on...

OK, here it is: I'm getting a laptop computer. Whew, it feels better to get it out there.

So I turn to family first on this. My son is an IT guy at his job, so I figured this would be easy. But I forgot one thing: I know a little less than a little about this sort of thing. And the next thing I know, I'm learning an entirely new language. And I don't mean Spanish, German or even Canadian.

I'm learning Martian.

GB. SSD. 512 or 256. Home or Professional. Processor, DDR4, MHZ, oh and a wireless mouse? Yes, I think I'd like a mouse without a tail...just seems more high class.

Oh, there's more letters and words I don't understand. I can pretty much wind a tape back into a cassette with a No. 2 pencil, but anything after that I'm kind of lost.

But the good news is, my boy knows that when it comes to 'puters, he's communicating with a preschooler and eventually we got it all figured out. Or should I say, figured out so far? Over the next days...weeks...months the fun really begins.Get ready son, if you thought helping to get it was a hoot, once I sit down with it, it'll really be a blast.

There is one thing I made sure of: I'll be able to play Solitaire.

I'll keep you posted on how the rest goes.

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