7 Wickedly Cynical Christmas Songs to not Warm Your Heart
It's Christmas music season again and my dark, bitter heart needs something other than the same-old soundtrack. I need something in line with my aging Generation X mindset. Music for us kids in the back of the class. Plus, I cannot stand most slow songs.
So, my quest led me to join forces with my old buddy YouTube. My friend didn't let me down, turns out there's a treasure trove of great, dark, cynical Christmas songs. And I want to share some with you.
The Kinks - "Father Christmas"
This is the song that inspired this list. To me, it's a pure distillation of the commercialization and self-gratifying do-gooding that crops up this time of year.
"Father Christmas, give us some money...Give all the toys to the little rich boys"
Blink-182 - "Won't Be Home For Christmas"
Vintage Blink 182 rocks this jam about not being home for Christmas. Mostly because he's in jail for going after carolers with a bat.
Fall Out Boy - "Yule Shoot Your Eye Out"
You could easily mistake this song for a 'missing you this holiday' type of tune. Forlorn vocals, urgent but sad acrostic guitar. The lyrics tell a different tale. One that is all about encouraging someone to please stay away this Christmas.
Dwight Yoakam - ''Santa Can't Stay''
What's that? You want to get even darker? OK, how about this tale of divorce, alcoholism and lives falling apart? All set to a lively rockabilly beat and bells.
John Prine - "Christmas in Prison"
Country/Folk singer John Prine sings about another Christmas behind bars.
Jimmy Witherspoon - "How I Hate to See Christmas Come Around"
The long history of the Blues is a fertile ground for non-traditional Christmas song. You could make several lists of the best Blues Christmas songs. But, the one I want to include here is from the late 1940s and has a nice traditional blues sound and a perfect yuletide attitude. "Oh Santa may have brought you some stars for your shoes But Santa only brought me the blues." It's just plain beautiful.