50 Things Men Shouldn’t Have After They Turn 40
One of the hardest parts about getting older is coming to grips with the fact that the things that defined you in your 20s aren't so cool when you're in your 40s.
To help guys who are on the other side of 40, BestLife has put together a list of '50 Things No Man Over 40 Should Own'.
Now I'm quite a ways past 40 these days (56), but I decided to see just how many of these 50 things I am still clinging to well past their 'expiration' date for a man of my age.
- A Guy Fieri Haircut
No chance of me ever sporting that look. For me, frosting belongs on a cupcake, not on the head of a middle-aged man.
- Enormous Piles of Laundry
Not an issue for me. Regardless of how much or how little there is, laundry gets done once a week at my house.
- Shot Glasses
I do own some but must admit they haven't been pressed into service recently.
- An AOL E-mail Address
My AOL address went the way of my dial-up modem.
- ‘Funny’ Ties
At my age, there's nothing fun about wearing a tie anymore and no 'funny' business when I'm forced to.
- Velcro Wallets
I haven't got the time to work that hard to pry open my wallet.
Anything that brings with it the chance of falling off is strictly off limits for me.
- Wine Bottles as Candle Holders
I do have wine bottles stuffed with Christmas lights, but they are far less of a fire hazard than a candle holder.
- Certain Specialized Deodorant
I gotta be honest, I didn't even know this was a thing.
- The Art of War by Sun Tzu
Not exactly my idea of 'light' reading.
- Bowling Shoes
No. But I do own my own bowling ball. Don't judge. You would too if you were left-handed and got tired of trying to find a house ball that works.
I believe there is one tucked away deep in my closet. If I could find it, I'd toss it.
- Acoustic Guitar for Parties
No, but full disclosure - I would like to learn how to play the ukelele someday.
Do sandals count? I have those but will NEVER wear them with socks
These left my wardrobe about the same time my tracksuit body left my life.
- A Story Involving a Jail Cell
The only jail cell I've ever been in was on a tour at Alcatraz. There is a story there but it only involves my distaste for tours.
- A Key Chain Bottle Opener
I've got way too many things on my keychain, but a bottle opener isn't one of them.
- Gamer Injuries
One would have to game to have a gamer injury.
- Burning Man Friends
I do know people who have attended, but they seem pretty harmless. Their stories are pretty far out.
Does anybody really need a speedo? That might be the one thing we call all agree on.
- Baseball Caps
I conservatively own two dozen. I am a baseball fan and see nothing wrong with wearing a baseball cap. Frontways only though. Anything else just isn't right unless you're the starter behind the plate that night.
- A ‘Lucky’ Piece of Clothing
I am somewhat superstitious about some things. Clothing is not one of them.
- A Roommate
Do a wife and three cats count?
- Band T-shirts
I call them concert shirts and yes I am proud to let the world know that I've seen Paul McCartney, The Rolling Stones, and U2.
- A Tinder Account
My aforementioned wife would frown upon that greatly.
- Wallet Chains
I always figured if your wallet was in your pocket, why would you need a chain?
- Themed Bedsheets
Unless all tan counts, no.
- A Bed without a Frame
This is a nice way of saying a mattress on the floor. Even if I wanted one my 56-year old back would never allow it.
- Skinny Jeans
Absolutely NOTHING in my wardrobe is skinny these days.
- A Bong
There was a time in my life where one might have come in handy, but that was ages ago.
- Frozen Pizza Rolls
They've never been my favorite and I was reminded of that a few weeks ago.
- An Unstamped Passport
I'm up to my fourth passport and there are a few stamps in this latest one, but not nearly enough.
- Unframed Posters
I am guilty of this one, but I swear someday I'm getting those things framed.
- A Girlfriend Born in the Clinton Years
I am a bit older than my wife (JFK was president when I was born). But she was in college when Clinton was elected.
- A Fast Food Condiment Packet Collection
I'm not a ketchup-on-my-fries kind of guy so this isn't a problem for me.
- A Buddy on Your Couch
Do three cats count?
- A Black Eye
I'm a lover, not a fighter.
- Drop-Crotch Pants
I actually had to look this one up. No 'Hammer Pants' for this guy. Ever.
- A Yellow Hummer
I refuse to work that hard to get in an out of a vehicle.
- A Tattoo Less Than Five Years Old
My next 'tat will be my first one.
- Your Grandmother’s Hand-Me-Down Couch
I've had hand-me-down cars, but never hand-me-down furniture.
- A Selfie Stick
You'd actually have to take selfies to need one of those.
- Your Childhood Arts-and-Crafts Wares
Not only do I not have any of these, but I'm also pretty sure my mom & Dad don't either.
- Beer Can and/or an Empty Liquor-Bottle Collection
Guilty here. I enjoy imported beer and like how the empties look on top of the bar.
- Sports Team–Themed Wall Art
I am an Angels' fan with a very understanding wife who has allowed me to decorate one room at our house. I didn't hold back.
- Keepsakes from Fast Food Restaurants
I'm not even sure what these would be. Let's just say everything I get from a fast food restaurant goes in one place. My stomach.
- Hacky Sacks
This sort of endeavor requires a certain type of coordination I do not possess.
There was a time, but luckily that time has passed.
- A Flip Phone
I like the latest technology and last I checked this ain't it.
- Pokémon Cards
No, But I do own the entire set of Topps 1989 baseball cards. A much shrewder investment.