Great or Horrible Gift Ideas for Valentines Day

Judging a gift as great or horrible is all a matter of perspective. If the gift fulfills your objective in giving it then it is great. But if the recipient finds that to be horrible, then it is horrible. Here are some gifts that could be either great or horrible.

For Him

Bag of ice. Because when he says something stupid tomorrow and you shoot him down, he’ll need a bag of ice.

Roses. Because it will help tremendously when he’s looking at his phone on the toilet for a half-hour if there are some fresh roses nearby.

Craft beer kit. So he can be terrible at one more thing.

Dog. So he has at least one friend around after you dump his sorry ass.

Six pack. Because you’re tired of that giant belly sweating all over you.

Backpack. To carry his laptop or iPad and to also serve as a go-bag when you finally throw that loser out.

For Her

Laser pointer. So that when you break up she’ll have something to occupy her while she sits at home alone with her cats.

Crown. If she’s going to rule over your life, she might as well have a crown, right?

Noise-canceling headphones. They’ll be “for her” but those are actually for you when she won’t stop talking about her mom and her dumb sister, and the annoying guy at work she keeps talking about but you’re pretty sure she has a crush on.

Amande Gourmande Candle. It’s huge! That’ll cover up that sulfur and lasagna smell she leaves in the bathroom.

Some sexy lingerie. Let’s face it, your sweat pants and a 2004 Stephanie Herseth campaign T-shirt are not exactly cute.

This was meant to be funny. If you didn't find it funny that's okay. If you are offended please don't read anything I write ever again.