My TV Is Messed Up!

Is your TV OK?  You have one of the newest TV's, the one's that have everything, do everything except bring you a nice baloney sandwich, easy on the Mayo?  Images and color that jump right out and slap you on the forehead?

Well, lucky you.  Something is waaaay wrong with my TV.  Oh, I get plenty of channel's, more than I could ever want to watch.  Heck, as a kid we got two channel's, and maybe three if the weather was cloudy, rainy, foggy...then we might get that snowy one out of Sioux City.  Now?  Oh I get channel's from here, there and everywhere!  But something's wrong with my TV.

Seems that all I see are weird pictures, images, words.  Like on that channel there, see that? Those women there look like mannequins that J.C. Penny finally threw out after because they looked too plastic and unrealistic.  I guess they're "Wives of Somewhere", but all they do is fight and cuss and yell.  Shoot, if I wanted that I could just dream of old family reunion's, minus the apparently botched plastic surgery jobs.

Then on this channel there's some guy trying to eat his weight in hot wings and hamburgers.  Look, he's just stuffing it in his food trap as fast as he can and everybody's cheering like Johnny Unitas just threw a 40 yard TD pass to win a game!  Is this one called "Human Garbage Disposal"? I'm not sure, I don't stay long enough to find out. Hard to believe this country has an obesity problem.

Switch over to this channel here and people are busy looking for ghost's. A quick click over to this channel and there some little girl living with a bunch of belching, burping rednecks.  They just pick their noses and waddle.  That's about it.

Oh look, here's a show where people are trying to lose a ton of weight.  Hey, that guy with the wings and burgers should know about this.  Maybe he could use it.  I'm just trying to be helpful.

There's got to be something on!  Let's see....a guy swearing at a pawn shop owner...cars crashing into each other during a high speed chase...Kardashian...Kardashian...more Kardashions...are they their own species? And wow, stopped just long enough to see Bruce Jenner doesn't look at all like he did on my Wheaties box...whew!

Alligator hunters...moonshiners....super rich people cussing (that's all over my TV!)...ahhh, here we go, finally some sports!  Oh wait, professional wrestling.

See, somethings wrong with my TV!  There used to be Rockford and Mannix, Marcus Welby and Hawkeye Pierce, Archie and Jed and Gomer and Andy.  I guess most of them went to live on Channel 14.

They were run off by Kim and Honey Boo Boo, by ghosts and eaters and losers and wanna-be-singers.  Boy, what's next, Hall of Shamer Pete Rose having his own show?

Huh? You're kidding.