What If Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer Was From Minnesota?

Picture this: Rudolph isn't guiding Santa's sleigh through a magical winter wonderland...he's navigating 35W during a blizzard while muttering "ope" every time he gets cut off.

Instead of being teased by the other reindeer, Minnesota Rudolph would just get a lot of passive-aggressive comments. "Oh yeah, that's quite the nose you got there. Different, for sure. Real unique, you betcha."

Then they'd smile and immediately passively-aggressively talk about him.

His red nose wouldn't glow to light the way on foggy Christmas Eve. It'd glow because he forgot to plug in his block heater, and now his sinuses are frozen in the -40° windchill.

Santa wouldn't ask him to guide the sleigh...he'd just mention it'd be "nice if someone could help out" and Rudolph would feel obligated because that's what Minnesotans do.

The famous song would need a rewrite: "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer, had a very shiny nose (don'tcha know). And if you ever saw it, you would even say it glows (uff da)."

At the North Pole Christmas party, Rudolph wouldn't be celebrated as a hero because that would be to braggy and ya wouldn’t want him to get a big head.

Everyone would bring a hot dish, he'd bring tater tot casserole, and someone would definitely mention how the roads "weren't that bad," even though three elves got stuck in a snowbank.

And when the other reindeer finally shouted out with glee...in Minnesota, they’d be reminded to “Please use your indoor voices."