Now before I'm accused of being a prude or a hater of people in love, let me say that I have no problem with PDA (public displays of affection), hand-holding, hugging, an occasional kiss, making goo-goo eyes at each other, that sort of romantic stuff is fine; even adorable in some circumstances. The remainder of hyperbolic, carnal behavior, I believe, should be relegated to a bedroom or at the very least the back of a roomy Buick!

Having said that, the disgusting, extreme PDA which I was a witness to at the Barry Manilow concert, between two septuagenarians (who honestly should know better) went well beyond what is acceptable or in good taste for most normal humans! I can only guess this repugnant display was fueled by Viagra and idiocy!

This geriatric couple was sitting directly in front of me and my BFF Georgie, so it was nearly impossible to divest ourselves of their repulsive presence. The male dinosaur began the evening by eating fistfuls of buttered popcorn with his left hand while pawing his antique girlfriend, wife or concubine (we weren't sure which it might be) with his right. When he finished his popcorn, he wiped his left hand on his jeans and put that one to work too.

He later began pulling the hood on his tootsie's parka up over her head, and continued groping her (at which point I was ready to punch him right in the throat!). She may have protested the weird hood thing, so he pulled the hood back down and started picking through her hair like a Macaque monkey grooming his mate. I was just waiting for him to pull a tick out of her scalp and eat it!

Near the end of the show, the lascivious lothario was apparently searching for her liver with his tongue. It was like watching a cheetah chow down on a fresh Gazelle kill! I'm not exaggerating when I say I've seen doctors do less invasive work while digging for people's tonsils!

It was one of the grossest public displays I've seen since the 60-something couple we witnessed "dirty dancing" at Ribfest years ago!

And before the question even arises; no, it wouldn't have mattered if it were a young couple displaying the same behavior. It was simply mortifyingly grotesque!


See Also:

More From KXRB