Last night we had a bunch of stuff happening so we were having quick and easy Eggo waffles for supper. Somehow I managed to burn one pair of them in our 4-slice toaster. I have no idea how. I'm not a master chef but I can make killer omelettes and know how to burn meat to taste.

To feel part of a larger club I asked people to call and text in with their kitchen fails. There were some doozies!

Here's the best texts:

--A couple weeks ago I had this big pork roast. So I seasoned it real good, stuffed it wit stuffing and put it in the oven at a low temp. I had to drive back to sioux city to get my son from his dads, so I figured it would be nice and tender by the time we got back...I even bragged about the roast on the way back. When I walked into the house I couldnt smell it! Turns out I forgot to start the oven. So not only did I not get my roast, but I had to come up w a whole new meal.

--Once sprayed a pan with sunscreen instead of nonstick spray. Luckily noticed the smell difference before poisoning everyone. Also made the worst gravy in history when I substituted Guinness with PBR. Turns out they are not interchangeable when cooking.

--I was inebriated at 2 AM and thought I reheated my Chinese food for a minute when it was actually 10 minutes and I ended up burning my hand and now have a permanent scar from it.

--I was 14 and tried to make peanut butter cookies by myself and read the recipe wrong and instead of sugar I used salt.

--I have a good one for you! When I was a teenager me and a good friend of mine worked at a bowling alley together where we would prepare food. We had the genius idea to make marshmallow malts. What we didn't realize is that you have to use marshmallow cream to do that. We decided to put marshmallows in the microwave to soften them and then put them in with the ice cream into the malt machine. What happened was that the marshmallows hardened into sharp chunks and went flying everywhere! It took us a good half an hour to clean up all of the Marshmallow shards covering the restaurant!

--I was a new single mom and was boiling the nipples and rings for the bottle. Fell asleep and the water boiled down and the plastic rings started on fire and the whole house was filled with smoke.

--I came home from the bar last week and felt it was a good idea to make a pizza. Unfortunately, I remembered this when I woke up the following day to the smell of something burning....oops.

--Put ramen noodles in the microwave with no water.....smoked up the whole house.

--If you put butter in the pan, be ready with everything else. Was getting the stuff I was gonna cook and a large fire started. Luckily got it out right away.

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