Why do we worry when it just wastes our time? Who are we to have fear in His plans for life? Life can be given, but also so quickly and easily taken away from us on Earth. It is always so hard to trust and not let your mind wander to the unknown. The unknown is what hurts and drives you to such fear. But why? What is worry and fear going to change? Nothing… The outcome will be what it is whether you worry and drive yourself crazy with the unknown.
We need to enjoy what we have and the time we have, even though there may be so much time of uncertainty. The time we have should be filled with so much joy, but for many people it is filled with pain, hurt, worry and fear. There are so many causes of all of these things that we may choose to let in our lives or run our thoughts. But why, once again, do we do that? Why do we let ourselves do these things and think these things? There are so many things in this life that are out of our control and power that can cause us so much heartache and pain. Why let the other things we CAN control do this to us?
The words of childhood cancer, especially relating to your own child can cause you the most intense pain and fear you could ever know or feel. When you watch your child go through this, or when you know your child’s life is possibly going to be taken from you, as you sit and watch them in pain- that is the pain and fear that is brought to us beyond our control. You pray and plead for their life and their health. There is no reason a child should have to endure cancer or any sickness for that fact. I continue to find myself questioning God as to why. It is so easy to let yourself go there and challenge God for some kind of an answer. The reason we do this is because we want to find somebody or something to blame. The easiest person or thing I find myself falling to is God. But why? He is the one who gives us hope and something to hope in. But yet in the same breath we blame Him for letting this happen.
This journey of watching my child in the ups and downs of childhood cancer has brought me to so many different points, feelings and emotions that I had never before experienced, or cared to experience.
At the beginning of our adventure there was so much shock and pain because of the fact that the word cancer seems so scary, and it is in the same sentence as my child. Why? How can this be? As treatment began and the fight for her little life started you get this sort of “tough spirit” about you and realize this is life and you HAVE to do it and that God will somehow carry you through this road. There are so many times sitting and waiting and watching my baby in pain and uncomfortable that I let my mind go to why? But you have to keep your mind from going back to that spot and remember you are fighting this for her life and God is the one in control. So let Him do it! He is holding her in His hands and loves her more than even I do. How can that be? I find myself rejoicing in the times of her feeling good and being herself. I rejoice in the times of good test results. But why do we tend to just thank Him and rejoice in Him only in those times of joy, instead of also thanking Him for life, even if it isn’t exactly how we think it should be for us? Or what about thanking Him for the many other joys we have in life even though we may have so many other struggles too? I also have learned to thank God for the tough situations we may be in at that time, because when we come out of our trials on the other side, it gives us so many life lessons and insights on things. You may also never not know who else is watching and learning and being touched by your situation.
Just when you find yourself on what you think is the uphill part of your battle or struggle, you seem to find your way back into that valley of worry and wonder. I constantly catch myself worrying that she is going to relapse – or is it just a slap in the face to wake me back up again to realize how far we have come and all we have to be thankful for? Just the fact that she is still here with us and I have the opportunity to worry about a relapse with her is more than a lot of moms and dads can say about their child after being diagnosed with cancer.
Will you join us in this battle of life for these little kids? There should be a cure out there for childhood cancer that leaves no doubt in a parent’s mind that their child is not going to have to suffer and even moreso that they do not have to worry about the fact of losing their child to cancer! Help us get to the point where we can find that perfect cure and take away that fear, pain, wonder, and doubt that comes along with childhood cancer. Everybody can make a difference!